


Terror of the Swedes

by TygerTyger



Series: Kink Meme Stories and General Smut [12]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Humour, IKEA, Kink Meme, M/M, Parallel Universes, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-06 05:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TygerTyger/pseuds/TygerTyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Rory go to IKEA</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terror of the Swedes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PhoenixDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixDragon/gifts).



> Written for the eleventy-kink [prompt](http://eleventy-kink.livejournal.com/942.html?thread=3201198#t3201198):
>
>> Rory and Eleven go furniture shopping, and end up having sex on one of the beds in IKEA. Or on a couch. Or on the washing machines. Or wherever. All I'm asking for is furniture sex in the middle of IKEA.
> 
> I won't lie, it was the IKEA thing that caught my eye rather than the slash. It took me a while to figure out how to work the slash in without going against my "Rory is Amysexual" head!canon (It's weird because I can happily go against canon and head!canon normally, but with Rory I find it difficult). I got there in the end though!

“Rory, stop wandering off,” the Doctor said, grabbing Rory roughly by the wrist just as he was about to pick up a really appealing little pencil holder. “And don’t touch things.”

Rory sighed. The Doctor was being exceptionally bossy since they had landed and Rory was finding it particularly tiresome. It was his home planet for heaven’s sake, and he knew it at least as well as the Doctor did, thankyouverymuch. “Why are we here if we’re not supposed to buy stuff?”

“Rory, don’t you find this place unusual? Isn’t there something you find unsettling about it?”

“Doctor, it’s IKEA, how could it possibly be unsettling?”

“Ah yes, I was forgetting quite how human you actually are.” The Doctor put his hand on top of Rory’s head and squeezed it a couple of times. “Such a malleable race.” Rory stared sullenly up at the hand on his head until it was removed. “Rory, look around, what do you see?”

Rory gave a cursory glance around and said, “Shoppers.”

“Shoppers? Not hundreds of people, mindlessly wandering around in one direction, following arrows on the floor?”

“That’s to stop people running into one another.”

“That’s to keep people active while their brainwaves are being leeched. Rory, how long do you think we’ve been here? Don’t look at your watch.”

“Um, about half an hour?”

“Two hours and forty-seven minutes and sixteen seconds. Now are you getting it?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Rory said glibly.

The Doctor took Rory by the head and turned his face so that he could get a closer look. He seemed to be trying to massage some sense into Rory’s skull with his long fingers. Rory’s eyes began to wander towards some throw cushions that were piled high in a nearby basket.

“Rory,” the Doctor said seriously, and Rory’s eyes returned from the cushions. “I need you to stay with me, this place is not safe for you. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

The Doctor released his head and put his hand out to Rory who looked at it with curiosity at first and then scorn. “Eh, I’m not going to hold your hand, Doctor.”

“Yes you are going to hold my hand, Rory; it’s the only way I can be sure to get you out of here with your mind intact.” He made a grab for Rory’s hand, but it was pulled back and away from him.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Fine,” the Doctor sighed, “but you need to concentrate on what I’m telling you.”

Rory nodded.

“All right, so this is not a ‘shop’, it’s a ‘ship’. A ship with a great big perception filter on it, and it lures people here with ‘bargains’. You know, it never ceases to amaze me how often humans will repeat the ‘if it sounds too good to be true…’ line but never ever take heed of it.” He rubbed his forehead. “So, the humans come from far and wide to enter the mechanism—”

“Mechanism?”

“Well, what else would you call a system that takes in humans, alters their perception of time and drains their brain power for nefarious purposes?”

“What ‘nefarious purposes?’”

“That,” he said, shaking his sonic at Rory, “I don’t know. But I intend to find out.” The Doctor looked around at the displays of oddly named products. “I wouldn’t mind, but they didn’t even put any effort inventing into believable names for things. I mean, who in their right mind would name something ‘Klappar?’”

“It’s Swedish, Doctor.”

“Swedish? That’s your defence of it, that it’s Swedish? Yes it’s Swedish. Do you even know who the Swedes are?”

“Eh, Scandinavians.”

“Oh my poor dear deluded Rory,” the Doctor said, patting him roughly about the chops. “They’re not Scandinavian, ‘Sweden’ doesn’t even exist.”

“But the maps.”

“All altered.”

“What? But I know people who’ve gone there.”

“Oh, Rory.” The Doctor’s face dropped. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“But they came back.”

“Someone came back, but it wasn’t them.”

Rory stood with his mouth opening and closing and no words forming. The Doctor extended his hand to Rory, and Rory took it without further question. “Whatever you do, don’t go into any of those little rooms they have set up,” the Doctor said as they set off.

“Why not?”

“They fit a lot more into them than they should, yes?”

Rory nodded, “Like the TARDIS.”

“Exactly. Only the dimensions they’ve created aren’t as stable as the TARDIS, so you could get sucked off… into a parallel dimension permanently. Some strange place where maybe you and I are married, and Amy is the Time Lord.”

The Doctor led Rory to the exit.

 

*   *   *

 

_Earlier in a parallel dimension…_

_  
_

“Doctor, didn’t Amy tell us not to wander off?” Rory asked as the Doctor backed him into a Billy bookcase and started kissing his neck.

“Ignore her,” the Doctor mumbled against Rory’s skin, “she’s making it up. Load of bloody rubbish.”

Rory sighed and allowed his eyes to close as the Doctor found a tender spot below his ear to lick—it never did take much for his husband to convince him to ignore Amy’s instructions. Rory pushed back and turned them around, pinning the Doctor to the bookcase and holding his face to kiss him soundly on his grinning lips.

Their tongues tangled as the Doctor brought one hand into Rory’s hair and slid the other under the hem at the back of Rory’s t-shirt to sink his fingers down beneath the waistband of his jeans. Rory’s let his hips push forward to grind against the Doctor’s before pulling away to look his husband in the eye; the Doctor’s fingers teased at the cleft of Rory’s arse under his jeans. “We don’t have anything with us,” Rory said.

The Doctor’s face betrayed mild disappointment, and then a spark of an idea played across his eyes. “We can leave _this_ for later,” he said, running a finger further south to demonstrate, “but at least let me suck you off now.” He flashed a cheeky grin that Rory found hard to argue with, so he kissed him hard instead.

The Doctor launched them away from the bookcase with a foot and pushed Rory down onto a three-seater Karlstad in beige, kissing him again before sinking back to kneel in front of Rory. Rory slipped his fingers into the Doctor’s dark hair. “What if someone comes in?”

“They won’t. And even if they do, you heard Amy, they’re like retail robots, they won’t even notice.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am, stupid,” the Doctor said tenderly.

“Okay,” Rory stroked the Doctor’s warm face with a thumb.

The Doctor grinned and caught his tongue between his teeth as he set to work on Rory’s trousers, unbuttoning and pulling them all the way down, along with his underwear. The Doctor always liked to see as much of Rory as possible whilst sucking his cock, so Rory pulled his t-shirt up to uncover his stomach as he reclined further into the comfortable affordable fabric of the sofa.

The Doctor moaned softly at the sight of his lover laid bare and hard before him, and he ran his hand up over Rory’s slender stomach. Rory inhaled in anticipation as the Doctor’s head dropped into his lap to gather the head of his cock between his soft lips. Rory groaned as the Doctor’s tongue lapped maddeningly as the underside, before the Doctor sank down further, sucking lightly and drawing back up slowly. He wrapped his long fingers around the base and began move at a steady pace, tilting his head and swirling his tongue in the way Rory loved.

Rory let his head fall back so that he could just enjoy the sensation of the Doctor’s mouth on his cock, and the Doctor’s palm cupping his balls, and the Doctor’s fingers snaking a trail between his arse cheeks. Oh, how he was going to enjoy watching the Doctor come later, when they got back to their room on Amy’s TARDIS, and the Doctor’s cock was buried deep inside him. Rory felt all the pleasurable sensations in his body narrow and converge on his crotch; he laced his fingers into the hair at the back of the Doctor’s head and fought the urge to control his lover or to push himself deeper into the Doctor’s mouth. He knew by now that allowing the Doctor to set the pace would make him come all the harder.

Rory glanced down and watched the Doctor’s mouth work on his cock, his lips wet and stretched, his closed eyes blissful, his hair falling over his beautiful face—and he was all Rory’s. Rory felt the surge of his orgasm push up from the base of his cock and stutter out into the Doctor’s mouth, who swallowed as eagerly as ever. Rory was overcome and let out a quiet sobbing sigh.

A noise caught his attention and Rory looked up to see that someone had, in fact, walked in on them, and was, in fact, noticing. Standing in the doorway was the Doctor—his husband—the same one that was at that very moment lapping up the remainder of Rory’s come from his cock. Rory checked again, just to be sure and then looked back up at the Doctor in the doorway to catch him blinking in shock and then turning to walk away wordlessly.

“What are you looking at?” the one in his lap said, smiling up at him with shiny red lips.

“Uh, nothing,” Rory said, deciding to try to process what he had seen later, in his own time.

“Ugh! What are you doing, you stupid bloody idiots!?” Amy appeared in the doorway, blocking her eyes with her hand.

“Shit.” Rory stood to pull his trousers quickly up and make himself decent. The Doctor sat on the floor grinning up at Amy, enjoying her mortification in a way only the Doctor could. “Sorry, Amy,” he said with false contrition and Rory threw him a look.

“Come on,” Amy said, “we need to get out of here before you get yourselves killed.” She paused to look at Rory for a moment, then shook her head and strode out of the little room.

The Doctor stood in close to Rory and grabbed his arse. “You know, she may be my best friend, but I think she fancies you.”

Rory grimaced. “Don’t be ridiculous.”


End file.
